I threatened to make the questions on that meme more interesting, at least to myself. I'd much rather learn about people's flaws, dirty secrets, and psychological problems than their favorite stupid color or what stupid kind of ice cream they like, wouldn't you? Here:

WHAT INSULTING NICKNAMES WERE YOU CALLED IN CHILDHOOD?
Mosquito nose. Ski-jump.

WHEN YOU CRY, DO YOU LOOK UGLY, OR DOES IT GIVE YOU A BEAUTIFUL SAD GLOW?
Depends. If it's in church, it'd be the glow. If it's something upsetting me, it'd be pretty uh-glee.

ARE YOU FORGETTING HOW TO WRITE BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON THE COMPUTER?
No, my printing is quite legible. I haven't "written" in years though.

DO YOU THINK VEGETARIANS ARE INSANE? (BECAUSE THEY ARE.)
Vegans certainly are. Vegetarians are just missing out.

DO YOU LIKE KIDS? IF SO, WHY? WHY, IN THE NAME OF GOD?
I don't like other people's kids. I don't have my own, despite the fact that I would like to. Why, why? I take it Rachel has an opinion here...

IF YOU WERE A DOG, WOULD YOU LICK YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU COULD? (DON'T TRY TO DENY IT.)
Excuse me. Waitaminnit here, I can't get past the first clause. "IF I were a D-O-G"?! I think not! I would not, no never be a dog.

ARE YOU AS FRIGHTENED OF CLOWNS AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU?
Someone is clearly frightened of clowns...

IF YOU COULD BE EITHER VERY BEAUTIFUL OR VERY SMART, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY?
Very smart. Butt-ugly masterminds can get every damn thing they want, so long as they are male.

HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU REQUIRE TO HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MICHAEL MOORE OR ROSIE O'DONNELL (DEPENDING ON YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE BUT DOES THAT REALLY MATTER WITH THESE TWO)?
How much is a good sized tropical island with a fully staffed resort going for these days? By good sized I mean something like, oh Lanai. Because for my own tropical island, 100% ownership lock, stock, and barrel, I'd...consider it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CUSS WORD?
F---!

IF YOU'RE A MAN, HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT YOUR JUNK IN YOUR ZIPPER? HOW BAD DID IT HURT? IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW GLAD ARE YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT A MAN?
Yes. I think it left an abrasion several teeth long. It hurt, but not so much more than a similar abrasion elsewhere.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GROW OLD OR DIE TRAGICALLY YOUNG?
If I don't become ANCIENT, I will be pissed.

DESCRIBE YOUR MOST RECENT NIGHTMARE.
Battling vaporous demons by the Name of Jesus.

DO YOU WISH THAT, INSTEAD OF PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION DEBATES, THEY INSTEAD HAD TO BOX EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THEN THERE'D NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER DEMOCRAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE?
Hey, I'll buy into that wish.

ABBA: THE BLONDE OR THE BRUNETTE?
Funny, I recently viewed a couple ABBA videos on YouTube. I think blondie has it.

WHAT DISEASE DO YOU MOST FEAR CONTRACTING?
Realistically I have probably the highest chance of dying of a heart attack. But some slow-moving, painful cancer would be the worst.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE LEAST?
That's a tough question, because I don't think of people I don't miss. A better question might be 'who would you be happiest to never ever see again in your life?' Because then you could list someone who hurt or enraged you enough to foster that sentiment. But even then, I'm drawing a blank, because no one has done me such evil that I'd shut them out forever. I still wanted to contact my first lost love for decades. And recently I had that opportunity and we closed some very ancient wounds. I'm still pissed at my brother though, but not enough to never want to see him again.

I'll have to think about this one more.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES (10 BEING SO MUCH YOU'D RATHER CLEAN THE CAT BOX WITH YOUR BARE HANDS).
I mostly hope Daisycat will get me what I need, but I don't totally hate it, especially if I can get what I want online.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE BEFORE THE LAST TIME YOU THREW UP?
I honestly don't remember. But I do remember when I was 14 and came down with a severe case of the flu after gorging myself on spaghetti. That was *not fun*! And it took a long time before I could stomach spaghetti again. I did eat these 'shrooms one time, and they came up again with the most astounding colors...

NAME FIVE "CLASSIC" POPULAR SONGS YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HEAR AGAIN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.
Heh heh heh...ready for an ear-bug?
Mana mana, peep pee pee-dee-deep,
Mana mana, peep pee-dee-dee.
Mana mana, peep pee pee-dee-deep,
Pee-dee-deep Pee-dee-deep
Pee-dee-dee-dee-dee
Deet deet dee-dee deet!

IF YOU WERE A DOG, WHICH BREED WOULD YOU BE?
"If I were a dog? If I were a DOG?!" Of all disgusting things to be. Cat! Large. Desert-dwelling. Felis desertus, to be specific.

FAVORITE BODILY FUNCTION? (COUGH, SNEEZE, BELCH, POOP, FART, YAWN, ETC)
Fart, of course.

Update: She left *orgasm* off the list, FFS! Have to go with that one.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A HUGE FIGHT WITH, WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT, AND WHO WON?
Does waking up in the wee morning hours with someone in your face shrieking and weeping count as a fight? If so, I cannot say, lest I get a repeat performance.

AS WE ALL KNOW, PRO FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY SPORT WORTH CARING ABOUT. IN LIGHT OF THAT FACT, WHO IS THE BEST NFL QUARTERBACK OF THE LAST 10 YEARS? BEST RUNNING BACK? BEST WIDE RECEIVER? BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER? BIGGEST PRIMA DONNA? WHINIEST BITCH?
I'm sorry, I do. not. care.

BALD MEN ARE VERY SEXY. DISCUSS.
Yes. Absolutely. What more is there to say?

THE INVENTION OF THE PILL IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO BELIEVE IN GOD. DISCUSS.
Hnh?

DO YOU HAVE PERFECT VISION? IF SO, RACHEL LUCAS ENVIES YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND GALAXIES.
No, sorry.

FOOD YOU FIND SO REPUGNANT THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTHS?
Raw oysters.

WHEN YOU GO TO THE MOVIES AND THE JERK BEHIND YOU KICKS YOUR SEAT CONSTANTLY, DO YOU IGNORE/MOVE OR DO YOU CHALLENGE THEM TO FISTICUFFS?
I ignore/move. You can't afford to be a hothead when you carry concealed.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED THAT MADE YOU GET ON YOUR KNEES AFTERWARDS AND BEG GOD TO GIVE YOU THE LAST TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE BACK?
Thankfully I watch so few movies that I've never had this experience.

DO YOU EVER PUT CLOTHES ON YOUR PETS?
That is indeed a sure sign of a demented personality. No.

BEER, WINE, OR LIQUOR?
Yes.

Oh, was I supposed to choose one, or rank them? In that order, yes.

FALL ASLEEP OR CUDDLE?
Cuddle, and lock my limbs across her torso so she can't get up and leave until the golden halo of the afterglow has finally faded. (Seriously guys, what's with this falling asleep BS? You're missing out.)

FAVORITE FOOD THAT YOU KNOW WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY BUT YOU DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO FREAKING DELICIOUS?
Mountain Dew! (So there :P ) And pizza.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DISGUSTED BY A BOOK'S ENDING THAT YOU VIOLENTLY DESTROYED THE BOOK?
Erm, no.

DO YOU HAVE P0RN ON YOUR COMPUTER? DON'T LIE.
Define porn.

TRUE OR FALSE: "REALITY" T.V. IS THE BEST REASON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD TO HATE AMERICA.
It sure isn't helping any.

FAVORITE DRUNKEN SLATTERN: PARIS, LINDSEY, OR BRITNEY?
Britney, baby! Hnga! Hnga!

MOST DESERVING OF CHUCK-NORRIS-STYLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE THROAT: AL GORE OR JESSE JACKSON?
Gore, just because he's been running off at the mouth so prolifically lately. Who takes JJ seriously anyway?

WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT DRUNK? 'FESS UP.
Not a whole lot. Now the third or fourth time is a different story...

IF YOU COULD HAVE MAD SKILLZ IN DANCING OR IN SINGING, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD IT BE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SATISFACTION OR TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AND POSSIBLY GET SOME ACTION?
Well I can already sing halfway decently. But I do look at the dance-worship people with some envy. And it would be for worship to the Lord.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD YOU USE IT FOR GOOD OR EVIL?
Flying would be it. Because you can always bring any other necessary "superpower" hardware with you. For good, of course. (Just don't assume you know what 'good' really is.)

IF YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER Q&A MEME AGAIN, WILL IT BE TOO SOON?
Heh. Ahem. Well, the tag ya ones are kind of annoying...